Cocoabun.blogspot.com - Jesus loves me!

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Hurt from the past

it has been more than one year ever since i broke up with my ex.. i am really happy now with my present bf but i can't seem to forget the hurt from the past.. up to now, i cannot seem to face my ex like a normal friend because everytime i see him, i will be reminded of how he has hurt me.. but i think he does not know the hurt he has caused on me.. when i broke up with him, naturally most of my friends went to console him but i think most of them won't know how much my ex has hurt me..

i remember vividly that there was once he wanted to play Diablo online and in order to play online, he has to buy the original game.. he was still in army at that time so i went to look for the game and found it at west mall.. so during the weekends, i brought him to the shop to buy it but it was all sold.. he got angry with me and his face was black.. i panicked and kept trying to think of where to buy the game.. then i remembered that i saw the game at a shop in bukit batok and we headed there and managed to buy it.. after this incident, i was upset that he will get angry with me over a game.. isn't our relationship much more valuable than the game?

on my last birthday that i celebrated with him, we went to NYDC for a meal.. i was so happy he brought me to NYDC as i love their baked rice there.. he told me that i could order anything i want.. i ordered my baked rice and a small slice of cake.. in the end, i was the one who paid the whole bill.. on my birthday i had to treat him and me for my birthday..

i think i loved him too much last time.. i even told him that for my exam results, how many As i get, he will give me the same number of presents.. how many other grades that i get besides A, i will treat him.. i took (if i dun remember wrongly) 10 subjects at that time and i got 2 As, 5 Bs and 3 Cs.. i treated him 8 times but he did not give me a single present.. and each of those 8 times costed more than $20 each.. the thought of this made me feel like i'm so silly..

for most of the time we were together, he was often moody.. i had to keep cheering him up.. treating him to sushi meals, accompanying him play games.. stay at his house and watch him play games.. and sometimes i accompany him at his house and watch him play games, he sometimes did not even want to accompany me down when my father comes to pick me.. there was once even his own dad told him to accompany me down..

i could not forget that few sundays when i had to get up at 6 plus am to go for the 1st service and after the service, rush down to his house to accompany him.. and what did he say to me? "WHY SO LATE THEN COME!" i got real tired of this.. until one sunday, God told me to cast my cares upon Him and tears flowed down my cheeks.. i was so touched by God's love for me that i stop going to the 1st service and went with my family instead to a later service..

i really have to thank my dad.. he was the one who fetched me so early every sunday morning to church at that time and always came to pick me after my date with my ex.. my dad is a busy man and yet he always insist on coming to fetch me.. but my ex got irritated with the fact that he had to wait for my dad to come pick me before he can head home to play his games.. my ex did not want to send me home after the date.. not only my dad picks me.. for alot of times my dad has sent my ex all the way from the west to the east to pasir ris as my ex has to book in at Tekong.. and by the way, most of the time it is sunday night and my dad has to work the next morning..

there was once my ex forgot to bring his wallet out from the camp and called me to ask my dad to come to pasir ris to pick him up at night.. i told one of my friends about this incident and my friend said why can't my ex borrow some money from his friends to take a cab home and return the money when he book in? for that, i also duno why..

now my ex has a new gf and they have been together for more than half a year (i think) and i do see changes in him.. he sends his gf home at tampines after their dates and he stays in the west (i stay in the west too) and now from what i see, he does not play games anymore.. i came to a conclusion that he did not love me as much as he love his gf now.. and my bf love me much more than my ex love me last time..

i'm really thankful to God for giving me such a wonderful bf.. he is really sweet to me.. he has enabled me to bond much closer to my family and my family adores him.. not only my own family likes him, even my aunts also like him.. from the start of this year, i am doing my industrial attachment and had wanted to go for the midweek bible study.. and he always drive me and my aunts every friday for bible study after his work.. every morning he will come to my house and help me clean up my dog's cage and also play with my dog.. he also often bring me and my brothers out for a walk or meal and all of us have an extremely wonderful time of bonding together.. he treats me very well and i always feel like i'm always falling in love wih him everyday.. this coming sunday, my aunts, me and my bf are going for a cruise to KL and having a 4 day 3 night tour.. i'm looking so forward to it as this is the first time that i go for tour with my bf and aunts.. i'm so happy that my bf treats me like a princess and most importantly, he goes to church with me, my whole family, my aunts and my cousin..

i love you alot my sweet bi.. i really do hope that we will be together forever.. and thank you Jesus for all the things that you have done in my life.. i wana seek You always for You are the one who brought life to me.. only You can satisfy our souls..

You laid aside Your majesty,

Gave up everything for me,

Suffered at the hands of those You have created.

You took all my guilt and shame,

When You died and rose again,

Now today You reign in Heaven and Earth exalted.

I really want to worship You my Lord,

You have won my heart and I am Yours.

Forever and ever, I will love You.

You are the only one who died for me,

Gave Your life to set me free,

So I lift my voice to You in adoration..

Jesus, i need You always in my life..

Jesus love me and you..

with love..

Darling *kissed Bi softly* | 12:20 PM

0 Cocoabun(s)

0 Comments: